Ridenour Christmas Letter 2002

 

Since my last and only Christmas letter in year 2000, Dottie and I left our church, the First Church On The Go By The Highway Next To 7-11 Congregational United Episcopal Community Temple, because the pastor kept referring to the Bible as the "Kama Sutra" and insisted that there was a 13th disciple named Ozzy.  We joined the "Church of the In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida."  As the new church drummer, I get very good pay.  And isn't that what church is all about?


My brother Dale's life continues to spiral downward.  We were able to visit him in Huntsville. He had a vocal solo in the Death Row "Living Christmas Tree" presentation.  I never knew he was a soprano.  

Since Dale is in prison, Dottie and I raise his son Attila.  Dottie found a sadomasochistic magazine in Attila's room.  She did not know what to do about it.  I advised her "Don't spank him!"

My brother David and his family joined a cult that practices home schooling called "Baptists."  They believe if one is held under water long enough, one will eventually come around to their way of thinking. Their children, Damian, Pilate, Nero, and Jezebel, are great kids.  Of course, I am the favorite uncle, and favorite son-in-law, favorite brother-in-law, favorite son ...you get the picture.  They are still eating Y2K rice.

Dottie and I made six trips to Oklahoma.  We won a Cow Chip Tossing contest and the Grand Prize was a free trip to Oklahoma for a week.  The second place prize was two weeks in Oklahoma.

My Russian friend Sergei finally left the riveting world of pizza delivery.  He received a degree at Control Top Data Institute.  He was gainfully employed as a webmaster for Al-Qaida before becoming a baggage screener for the federal government.

My mom divorced my dad after only two years of marriage.  He had lost so much weight that she no longer recognized him.  She told me "he was half the man he used to be."  Since my mom has had so many cats die this past year, she decided to get into the cat fur business.

My 88 year-old grandmother sold her house, bought a Harley, and is traveling full-time with a singing group called "Up With Old People."  You can catch their performance every Monday night at the Dew Drop Inn in Scranton.  She goes by the stage name of Slinky Burnett.

I wrote and published a book titled "Awaken The Loser Within."  Sales were disappointing.  My book at amazon.com only ranked one higher than Al Gore's new book.

I enjoyed teaching a Bible class on Paul's conversion on the road to Damascus.  I have always liked Paul.

I am not sure why.  I also like John but not as much as Paul.  I am a drummer because of Ringo. 

 

I decided to go back to school for continuing education.  I decided to attend Whopper College because Hamburger University is too much of a party school. 

We won the state lottery and hope to be moving to our new home soon.  In Texas, it is called the Aggie Lottery.  We won one dollar a year for the next million years.

I have enjoyed my bible class Men's Accountability group and our Fourbucks coffee every Tuesday night.  We have had many in-depth biblical and theological discussions about women and sports.


If my telecom stocks do not get any better, next year's Christmas letter will be marked "postage due."

Have a Merry Christmas,

Paul and Dorothy "Dottie" Louise (Doyen) Ridenour

www.paulridenour.com

 

              

Mom                                           Dad

 

     

Dale                                                             David

             

Dottie                                Paul                          Nannie “Slinky” Burnett